she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
