Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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