I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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