i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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