Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
