Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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