my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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