some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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