I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
