but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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