I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
