shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
