I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
