Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
