can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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