the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
