He had one of those small greek statue penises
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
