That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
