Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
