one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
