I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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