ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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