I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
