Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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