hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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