How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize