Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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