im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
