Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My cat gives me a boner
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
