im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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