Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
