u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
