I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
