I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
