Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What drink are we having for lunch?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
