remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
