8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
