remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
