Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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