haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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