New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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