Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
