you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
