No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
