Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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