At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
