dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I did not marry a roomba.
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