Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
