soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
