I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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