i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What a dumb baby whore.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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