Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
