i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize