pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
