i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How does one acquire holy water?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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