You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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