Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
