Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
