I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize