He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
