I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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