at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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