someone get that fucking seahorse.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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