I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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