So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
