why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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