guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
