i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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