I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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