True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
