i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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