walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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