the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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