Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
